As Nikki blossomed into a true smoker, she was beginning to a notice a few things.
For one she felt more confident, not that she lacked confidence, but it was another side to herself that she had never seen. Secondly, she loved the feel of a cigarette in her hand and more importantly, she loved the way that she looked with one.
Nikki had always known that she was pretty, but as a girl always labelled as a ‘good girl’ this was a way to be bad while still maintaining that image. She also was beginning to notice the way that boys were starting to flock to her at parties.
Anytime she stepped outside to light a cigarette she could feel the stares and would always give the boys a smile, with her cigarette still dangling from her lips and smoking funneling from her nostrils.
As stated previously, it’s not that Nikki never had interested in boys, just none in her class…except one.
Jeff is one of the top students in the class, the class president, the lead in the school musical and a standout athlete in three sports. Roughly a year ago, people would have considered the pair a perfect match.
The problem now was that Jeff was incredibly clean-cut and came from an incredibly conservative family. Nikki had known Jeff for most of her life, going to elementary school together and having siblings the same age. The parents of the teenagers would undoubtedly have loved for their kids get together.
The pair had flirted a few times and even kissed, but Jeff didn’t frequent many parties that involved drinking. He was aware that Nikki had taken up a habit that he frowned upon, but nonetheless there didn’t appear to be any tension.
One Saturday afternoon in mid-November, after the high school football season had ended, Hannah and Nicole L. asked Nikki if she wanted to go to the movies that night. Of course Nicole and Hannah’s boyfriends would be attending, and Nikki didn’t want to be the third wheel. She was delighted when she found out that Jeff would also be attending.
Needless to say, it was nerve-racking afternoon for Nikki, given the fact that this would be her first real date. Much to the chagrin of her parents – who still hadn’t gotten completely used to their baby girl’s habit – she spent half of the afternoon outside chain-smoking.
Around 5 p.m. she decided it was time to get ready. The movie theater in Lockport was certainly nothing spectacular because it was only two screens and if you sat still long enough, your shoes would stick to the ground. Yet, Nikki always liked to look her best – something that sometimes drove her friends crazy sometimes when they would show up in sweatshirts and sneakers like most teenagers – but she also wanted to look nice for Jeff.
She showered and chose her outfit. Nikki donned a tight black shirt that she tucked into her tight jeans, and she slid a thick black leather belt through the loops. She grabbed her black leather stiletto high-heeled boots that rose just below her knees and pulled her jean leg down over them. She then put on her thick silver watch that slid down her left wrist like a bracelet and actual bracelets on her right wrist.
Nikki checked herself in the mirror, smiled approvingly and decided it was time for one last cigarette before putting on her makeup. She couldn’t smoke in her parent’s car and opted to not smoke before the movie.
She finished her final cigarette – her 11th of the day – and went inside to finish her makeup and spray herself with perfume. Nikki, like all women do, checked her purse to make sure she had everything. She slipped her cellphone, mints, perfume and cigarettes in, and put on her leather coat and got the usual teen lecture to be careful before heading out.
Nikki pulled into the parking lot and met her friends outside of the theater. She was a little nervous and desperately wanted to smoke, but she decided against it and headed in. Sitting next to Jeff for 2.5 hours was exciting, but he never even put his arm around her, which meant he was clearly nervous.
After the movie, the group stood outside laughing and talking. As everyone said their goodbyes after a while that left just Nikki and Jeff standing alone. As the gentleman that he was, he chose to walk her to her car. It was a chilly night so she buttoned her coat and grabbed his hand. By this time, she desperately needed her nicotine fix. After all, it had been nearly four hours since her last smoke. As they walked towards the car, she decided she could no longer wait. She reached into her purse and grabbed her cigarettes.
“Do you mind?” asked Nikki with smile on her face. “I’m dying for one.”
Jeff clearly had never dated a smoker before and even though he knew about it, he was taken aback.
“Why do you do that to your body?” Jeff asked incredulously.
“I enjoy it,” Nikki said with a Marlboro Red Label 100 bouncing between her lips.
“But it’s so bad for you,” Jeff moaned. “And it stinks.”
Nikki paused for a minute. It was if she was talking to her father. Then she decided that any guy that she was going to date was going to have to accept her and her smoking. So she lit the cigarette, tilted her head and blew a sleek stream of smoke into the cold night sky.
Like any smoker, who goes through some withdrawal, Nikki took another big drag and allowed the smoke to rush through her body, giving her that familiar rush. It also helped gain the courage for what she was about to say, because she couldn’t even believe it herself.
“Look Jeff,” Nicole began as smoke escaped her mouth as she spoke. “I’m a smoker. Everyone else has accepted it, so you should too.”
“What would my parents think?” Jeff asked. That was clearly not the response he was expecting.
“Who cares?” said Nikki with an annoyed look on her face. “Smoking doesn’t make me a bad person. My grades and extracurricular activities are just as good as yours. My reputation with teachers and adults is just as good as yours.”
“That’s because most of them don’t know you smoke,” Jeff countered.
“I wouldn’t care if they did,” Nikki said matter-of-factly. “Millions of nice, successful people smoke.”
“I really like you, but I don’t know if I can date a smoker,” said Jeff with his head down.
“So be it,” Nikki said confidently. “I’m not going to change for anybody and you shouldn’t expect someone to. I like you a lot, but I’m not going to stop doing something I enjoy. Maybe you’ll understand someday.”
Nikki crushed out her cigarette under her high-heel, gave Jeff a kiss on the cheek and they parted amicably and promised to stay friends. After all, she didn’t kill anybody.
As Jeff walked away, Nikki started her car before hopping out to have one last cigarette. She watched him drive off, giving a wave, and could hardly believe what she had done. A year ago, she never would have imagined turning Jeff down, let alone due to smoking.
She smiled.
“Good guys will come and go, but I’ll always have my cigarettes,” Nikki said to herself.
____________________________________________________________________________________
For most teenage girls, the disappointment of losing a first love before it even started would be heartbreaking, but Nikki was taking it in stride. It was just another example of her improved confidence.
Nikki began to withdraw back into her group of friends throughout the winter and simply enjoyed life. She also made new friends unexpectedly as a result. Since confiding in Maggie that she smoked, Nikki was always invited into the basement every time she came over to have a smoke. She also began tagging along to Cara’s away basketball games with Maggie and Cara’s older sister Sarah, who was in her late 20s and had a family of her own.
Sarah dressed similarly to Nikki and Maggie, frequently wearing a button-up leather coat that came down to her thigh, much like Nikki’s dress coat. She also wore stiletto high-heeled boots, just like Nikki and her mother, while also smoking a pack and a half of Marlboro Red Label 100s per day. You might not know that Sarah was Cara’s sister, as she was tall with dirty blonde hair, compared to Cara’s darker hair and shorter stature.
Cara often joked that Nikki had become better friends with her mom that her. Nikki had never that much about that notion, but she may not have minded it. She was always mature for her age so she fit in with her new older friends. Perhaps it was a bit strange, but it worked for the trio.
Nikki was also becoming careless with who she allowed to see her smoking, breaking the deal that her parents had set for her more than a year prior. But the now-17-year-old didn’t seem to care, and there was not much they could do stop her.
They still loved their daughter no matter what, but it was hard for them, especially when she would ride to games with Maggie and Sarah, chain-smoking the entire way before hopping out with a cigarette dangling from her luscious lips and flicking it away coolly before exhaling large amounts of smoke from her mouth and nostrils. It was certainly a jaw-dropping sight to see for other parents, but Nikki almost made show of it to make sure she was seen.
In mid-March, Cara’s basketball team reached the state semifinals near Albany, and Nikki’s parents allowed her to ride up with Maggie and Sarah for the weekend. In preparation for the four-hour car ride and weekend ahead, Nikki bought her first carton of cigarettes, knowing that she would fly through two or three packs during the trip.
The first game was Saturday morning, so she spent the night at Maggie’s house and the trio woke up early and hit the road. During that car ride alone, Nikki smoked nearly half of a pack and it was just 10 a.m. when they arrived at the arena.
During the game, Nikki opted to sit with Maggie and Sarah rather than her friends and because the game was not held on school grounds, the leather-clad trio raced outside – high heels clacking – at halftime to get their nicotine fix.
The team lost, so the weekend would appeared to be cut short, but when the game ended and everyone flowed into the lobby to await the team to come out of the locker room, Maggie and Sarah decided to go out for a smoke while they waited. Nikki desperately wanted to join them, but if she did, every parent and teacher would surely discover her not-so-well-kept secret.
Knowing that it her parents might be furious if word got back to them, Nikki decided she didn’t care and piped up and said, “I think I’ll join you.”
As she finished her cigarette and headed back inside she could tell that there were a few parents staring at her as she walked into the lobby, but Nikki just didn’t care. At that moment, Nikki realized that she no longer wanted to hide her habit from anybody. She loved smoking and nobody was going to discourage her. On the way home, she repeated her performance from early that morning, easily.
Nikki decided she would no longer smoke less than a pack per day from that point forward.
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