Nikki still hadn’t completely wrapped her head around what she had done at the party.
She had enjoyed her first cigarette, but could she really become a smoker?
Moreover, there was nobody she could consult on the matter, considering nobody in her life smoked except for her cousin of the same age but she wasn’t ready to talk to a family member about it.
Nikki went to get on the bus after school since she wasn’t quite 16 yet and she happened to look towards her friend Cara’s house and then she remembered that her mother and older sister were rather heavy smokers.
The next day in school, as the pair was walking down the hall between classes, Nikki decided to ask her friend.
“So how come you have never smoked before?” Nikki asked. “You know, since your mom and sister do.”
“I don’t know,” Cara responded. “I guess I grew up with it and I have never had any interest in it, especially since it’s so bad. I don’t want my clothes to smell either. Why?”
“Well I tried one at the homecoming party,” Nikki confessed. “It was like I wasn’t even thinking.”
“Did you like it?” said Cara shockingly.
“I don’t know,” Nikki said. “It’s not like I’ve had another one since.”
“Don’t go becoming a smoker on us,” said Cara with a laugh.
But thoughts of smoking swirled in her head throughout the remainder of the week and Nikki finally decided that she wanted to try it again, just to see if she really liked it or not.
The only question was how was she going to get a cigarette?
Then Nikki remembered that a few kids on her bus smoked, so one day on her way home, she asked the boy sitting behind her how he got his.
“Just go to the gas station on the corner,” he said. “They won’t ID you.”
So the following day, Nikki walked to the gas station after school, deciding that her father would drive her home since football practice was always shorter on Fridays. The whole walk there her heart was racing, partly due to excitement and partly due to nervousness of whether someone may see her buy them.
Remembering the brand that she had smoked last week, she entered the gas station and confidently said “I’d like a pack of Marlboro Red Label please”. The clerk turned around to grab them without hesitation.
Now she had a pack of cigarettes in her possession, but she had to hurry back to her dad so the time to try one would have to wait.
On Saturday afternoon, she attended the football game and she knew that her parents would go to a party at another coach’s house following the game just like always. This was her chance.
Nikki drove home with her mother, who dropped her daughter off and said, “We’ll be home by eight to take you to Hannah’s.”
That gave her roughly three hours to once try smoking again.
When her mother pulled away, Nikki waited for about 10 minutes to make sure that she didn’t return before hopping up and pulling the pack of cigarettes from a hidden compartment in her purse.
Nikki then put her leather coat on and headed out to the back deck. There were only six houses on her street, but she couldn’t take the chance of a neighbor seeing her.
With her heart nearly pounding through her chest, she ripped the cellophane wrapping off of the package and pulled a single cigarette from the pack.
Just as she had done the previous week, Nikki lit the cigarette and gently blew out smoke. She had been inhaling, but only slightly. It was time to try a full drag. She could feel the smoke enter her fresh lungs and she coolly blew it out as she watched herself through the reflection in the glass door. Nikki had to admit that she enjoyed the way she looked with a cigarette in her hand.
Nikki smoked three cigarettes over the next two hours before she got a little head rush and decided it was time to get ready to go to Hannah’s. She tossed the butts in the weeds by the field next to her house and went to shower away the scent of smoke.
In a matter of two hours, the 15-year-old parent’s dream of a girl decided that she was going to be a smoker. Now she just had to figure out how to tell her friends.
Sleepovers were a regular occurrence for Nikki and her five friends, and Hannah’s basement was the location more often than not.
Hannah was similar to Nikki in personality and in that neither she nor her siblings ever got into any kind of trouble, so her parents were very lenient. It was common for friends to come and go as they pleased at the house, although there was rarely any trouble.
After showering to wash away any scent of smoke on her body, Nikki was packing her bag for the sleepover. These were the rare occurrences – along with school because of uniform requirements – in which she did not wear boots, whether it was her black leather knee-high high-heeled boots or black cowboy boots.
She slipped into a comfortable long-sleeved t-shirt and yoga pants for the night, although Nikki always wore her watch, bracelet and necklace because she always wanted to look somewhat presentable. She definitely dressed more like an attractive young adult, more comparable to 25 than 15.
Just as she was finished getting dressed, she saw her mom pulling into the driveway and ran downstairs to leave. As she put on her leather coat, Nikki happened to put her hands in pockets and realized her cigarettes were still in there so she quickly placed them in her purse and zipped it before rushing out the door.
The entire 20-minute drive – Nikki’s family lived in the country and Hannah lived right in town – she thought about how she would tell her five nonsmoking friends that she had become a smoker in a week.
The thought quickly dissipated when she arrived as the six friends spent the first few hours talking, laughing and eating.
It was decided that the girls in the group that had boyfriends – Nikki did not as she never found any of the boys at school worth the distraction – would not partake in the evening and they were having a great time.
After eating they decided to watch a movie and one of the Nicoles (Nicole L.) asked if anybody had any gum, and out of natural instinct Nikki replied from across the room that she did and that Nicole could take some out of her purse on the table.
Nearly as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she wished that she hadn’t because she knew that Nicole would see her cigarettes and because of her conversation with Cara and the fact that she had no friends that smoked, she was busted.
Nikki walked across the room towards her purse but it was too late and she could see one of her best friends holding her pack.
“Um, since when do you smoke?” Nicole asked almost shockingly.
Nikki could now feel all five of her friends staring at her bewildered. She knew that there was no way around it, so she might as well tell the truth.
“I tried it last week at the party and I was curious because it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” said Nikki. “So I bought some and I kind of like it.”
“Oh my god!” exclaimed Brittany, one of the other friends.
“It’s so bad for you,” Nicole B said.
“I never would have imagined that you would smoke,” Cara said.
“Why did you even try it in the first place?” asked Hannah.
“Honestly I don’t know,” Nikki said. “I was kind of bored at the party so I went outside for some air and it was like I wasn’t even thinking.”
“It sure seems like you’re not thinking now,” Nicole L said.
Nikki had never experienced anything like this because her kind, laid-back demeanor kept her from any spats with her friends.
Feeling attacked and somewhat embarrassed she ripped the pack from her friend and grabbed her coat before storming up the stairs and out the back door. She headed out the garage and down the street, knowing that eventually she would have to go back to face them because she was spending the night. But right now she just wanted the time to cool off.
After walking about 30 feet down the sidewalk, Nikki found herself in a dark area with nobody in sight – there isn’t a whole lot of traffic on side streets around here.
Nikki took out her cigarettes and lit one, almost defiantly considering what had just taken place not five minutes before.
She felt the smoke pour into her lungs and she could also feel it calm her nerves. She was no longer shaking in anger and embarrassment.
“This must be the nicotine,” she thought to herself.
Perhaps it was the moment, but her desire to continue smoking was completely confirmed at this point and she would not back down no matter what her friends thought.
She finished her first cigarette and lit another before deciding it was time to face her best friends. As she flicked her butt into the street before heading back, she thought about her experiences of the day.
Nikki had smoked five cigarettes in the past five or six hours after smoking one in the previous 15 years of her life and she was hooked. It was not the nicotine that hooked her and she certainly did not have an addictive personality – she didn’t even care for coffee – it was the pure feeling that smoking gave her. When she looked in the mirror and saw herself with a cigarette, she felt confident. When the smoke entered her lungs, she enjoyed that feeling. It was quite simple: Nikki enjoyed smoking.
She headed back up the driveway and down to the basement, not caring that the smell of tobacco surely permeated from her strongly.
When she got to the bottom of the stairs she simply gave a weak smile at her staring friends.
“You had another cigarette,” Nicole L said. “You stink!”
“Actually, I had two,” Nikki said defiantly.
“I can’t believe this,” said Brittany as she shook her head.
“It’s my life!” Nikki shouted
The room grew silent for a minute.
“Oh Nikki, you know I’ll love you no matter what,” said Hannah with a smile. It was not shocking that she would take that stance anyway. She was quite like Nikki, although you’d never get her to smoke.
“Yeah, my boyfriend smokes when he drinks so I don’t mind,” Nicole B said.
“My mom and sister obviously smoke so it’s no big deal for me even though I wish you wouldn’t,” Cara said.
Finally Nicole L. and Brittany decided that if the other girls were OK with it and Nikki wanted to, then it was OK for their standards.
“Just promise us that you won’t do any drugs too,” Brittany said.
“I can definitely promise that!” Nikki said in relief.
“And make sure you spray perfume after,” said Nicole L. with a laugh.
Nikki was so relieved that her friends supported her, even though none of them would ever smoke. In less than 24 hours, Nikki went from trying cigarettes for a second time to becoming a smoker to coming out to her friends.
The events of the night pushed all other thoughts from her mind, including how she could keep smoking without her parents finding out.
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