Gina Perrillo had spent her entire adult life devoted to her children and her kids. Now, at age 50, she was supposed to be reaching a point in her life where things were easy, but instead she was starting from scratch.
The last two years of her life had not been the best. Her youngest, Nicole, had gone from being a sweet, innocent brainiac to becoming a tattooed, chain-smoking, motorcycle-riding mob boss. She had virtually no relationship with Nikki during the last year and now her 30-year marriage had come to an end.
It was wonderful to have her daughter come back to visit for a week. Gina was proud that her daughter was doing so well in school and financially, although she wished Nikki would choose a different lifestyle. She was also proud that Nikki handled having a teenager in her life, although her choice in fiancee wasn’t ideal.
The offer to come live and work with Nikki was appealing in that it would be nice to have a closer relationship with her daughter and she would eventually need a job, but she didn’t want to do it that way. Gina spent her career as a teacher, she couldn’t become a criminal. But, she had to admit, the last words Nikki said to her continued to echo in her head. “We aren’t that different.”
Gina looked at herself in the mirror and Nikki was right in many ways. For a woman of 50 and having three kids, she looked as though she was only 35. Nikki’s appearance resembled her mother’s. Gina had curly brown hair and a perfectly shaped figure. Although Nikki’s choice in clothes were a bit more revealing, they had similar taste.
As Gina looked in the mirror, the woman staring back was wearing a tight white t-shirt that fit perfectly around her breasts, tucked into a pair of blue bootcut jeans and a thick brown leather belt with rhinestones and a western buckle. Her brown Ariat cowboy boots were similar to Nikki’s black ones. She wore a silver crucifix around her neck that never left and thick silver Michael Kors watch that she had gotten for Christmas the year before.
It had been a week since Nikki left and her words still floated around in her head. Perhaps it was because she was a bit depressed as she would have normally been preparing to return to school at this time and because she spent so much time alone, especially living at a lake house in which her neighbors were gone during the week.
Shortly after Nikki had left, Gina had found a nearly full pack of cigarettes sitting on the porch that had belonged to Stefania. Gina had tried one cigarette in her life -- 35 years ago -- and didn’t care for it. Yet, for some reason she did not throw the pack away. She simply put it on the kitchen counter and largely forgot about it.
As Gina stood in the mirror, she liked what she saw, but there was something missing. Perhaps it was due to loneliness, but there was a piece missing. She moved away from the mirror and walked downstairs into the kitchen to start her day. After Gina cleaned up from her breakfast, she sat down at the counter with a cup of coffee, something she had picked up when Nikki started drinking it a few years ago. She had always liked the smell, but finally began to enjoy the taste.
Gina sipped on her coffee, but something kept catching the corner of her eye. It had been sitting in the same place for more than a week, but for some reason she began to notice it today. What she was noticing was Stefania’s pack of cigarettes. Gina picked up the pack and stared at it, reading the words ‘Marlboro Lights 100s’ scrawled on the white and gold package.
With the box in her hand, Gina flipped it open, counting 17 cigarettes still remaining in the pack. Then she took one out and surveyed the all-white cylinder. It had been quite some time since she held a cigarette in her hand. Of course, she had confiscated them from students at school, but hadn’t held an actual cigarette in those instances.
“What am I doing?” Gina asked to herself.
She put the cigarette back in the box and set it back on the counter. Gina turned off the television and put her coffee mug in the sink and decided to go outside to sit on the porch and read her book for a bit.
After two hours of reading, Gina went back inside for a glass of water. As she quenched her thirst, the pack of cigarettes once again caught her eye. It was like it was calling to her and reeling her in like magnet. Once again, Gina walked over to the pack and picked it up. She began thinking to herself as she held it in her hand.
“Maybe I could try one,” Gina thought. “Just to see what Nikki sees in these things.”
Gina extracted a cigarette from the pack and found a box of matches in the drawer before walking back out onto the porch. She sat down her in chair, holding the cigarette, willing herself to put it between her lips.
Finally, Gina worked up the courage and put the all-white cigarette in her mouth. She knew how to smoke, she just needed to remember what to do. After pausing for a second, Gina lit a match and held it to the tip of the Marlboro and sucked it to life.
“Holy crap!” Gina said aloud as she coughed up some smoke.
Obviously, Gina had taken a puff that was a bit too big for her first. So, she decided on smaller ones to get used to inhaling the smoke into her lungs. Gina managed to work her way through the entire cigarette, but it took her nearly 15 minutes so it likely burned as much as she smoked. At the end, she was not thrilled with the aftertaste.
“I don’t know how those girls do it,” Gina said to herself.
She went back inside to find some gum and tried to wash the smell off of her hands. Then she moved on with her day as if nothing happened. Gina made herself lunch and then went to sit on her dock for a while and stare at the water.
When she came back up to the house, the cigarettes were sitting on the porch and once again, she was drawn in. Gina sat down in her chair and picked a cigarette out of the pack.
“Maybe I’ll try this one more time,” Gina thought. “Two won’t hurt me.”
Gina sparked the cigarette, careful not to inhale too much. About halfway through this one, she was beginning to think it wasn’t so bad. This time it only took her 10 minutes to finish the entire thing before putting it out in the ashtray she had bought for Nikki’s visit.
Throughout the rest of the night Gina tried five more cigarettes, and without realizing it, she began to take longer drags each time she had another one. The more she smoked, the more she started to like it, but on her last one of the night, it began to make her feel dizzy. “That’s enough of this,” Gina thought and decided it was time for bed.
The next morning, Gina woke up with a bit of a scratchy throat and still had a bit of an aftertaste in her mouth. After drinking a glass of water and brushing her teeth, she began to feel better and decided to get dressed for the day. As she made her morning coffee, Gina once again saw the cigarettes on the counter and had a thought.
“I always hear about coffee and cigarettes,” Gina thought. “Nikki seems to love the combo. I should try it.”
Gina took her coffee and cigarettes out to the porch and it didn’t take long for her to fall in love with the combination of coffee and cigarettes.
Each day for the next month, Gina began to smoke more and more. Normally incredibly conscious of her decisions, this was one that she hadn’t questioned. Perhaps it was because her depression wasn’t allowing her to think clearly. Perhaps it was because there really wasn’t anyone in her life that would judge her, aside from siblings she didn’t see often. The first time she purchased her own cigarettes, Gina drove 20 minutes out of the way to make sure a familiar face didn’t see her before realizing that it was absurd for a 50-year-old woman to think that way.
By the end of September, Gina’s smoking had exploded. She was now smoking roughly a pack of Marlboro Lights 100s per day without a care in the world. Gina had reached the point of no return.
While Gina had developed a habit that most women usually quit at her age rather than start, she was beginning to perk up. She was no longer feeling sad all the time, but she was tired of spending her days alone. While she had no desire to work for Nikki, Gina did want to see her so she decided to call her up in late September.
“Nicole, I want you to know that I’ve decided I can’t work for you,” Gina said. “That’s just not a life I can live.”
“It’s OK, Mom,” Nikki told her. “I understand.”
“I do want to have a closer relationship with you, though,” Gina said. “It’s been hard having you gone for so long and I want to change that.”
“I’d like that,” Nikki told her. “Why don’t you fly here on Friday night and stay for a while? I’ll buy your ticket.”
“That would be great,” Gina smiled as she instinctively lit a cigarette.
“Awesome, I’ll book it for you and I’ll text you the details,” Nikki said. “See you on Friday.”
“Love you,” Gina said with a huge smile.
On the other end of the line, Nikki was smiling, but she was also confused. She definitely heard a lighter flick, but surely her mother wasn’t smoking. “She probably just lit a candle,” Nikki assured herself and put it behind her.
As for Gina, she was excited to see her daughter again, but how would she break it to her youngest that she was blossoming smoker now? There was no way she could go without smoking now. Who would have thought this would be a dilemma for her at 50 years old?
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Gina was excited to go so her daughter later in the week. She was finally starting perk up and regain herself. There was more energy to run errands or do work around the house, as opposed to simply sitting around all day.
She had yet to go out to socialize since her separation, though. Since it was Saturday night and she didn’t have anything to do, Gina decided to go to a local tavern in attempt to interact with the outside world.
When she went to get dressed for the night, Gina selected a pink t-shirt that fit her snugly in all the right places, tucked into a pair of tight dark blue bootcut jeans, with a thinner black leather belt with rhinestones and western buckle, along with a pair of five-inch black leather boots with a chunky heel. She then checked her Michael Kors watch and decided it was time to go.
Gina went downstairs, put her belongings into her purse and put on a button-up leather car coat that went to the middle for her buttocks. It was similar to Nikki’s car coat, but Gina’s had a belt around the waist that she let hang freely. Once in the car, Gina popped a Marlboro Light 100 between her lips and fired it up, cracking the window slightly as she back out of the garage with her freshly lit cigarette dangling from her lips.
She arrived at the tavern and exited her car, another cigarette still burning between her fingers. Gina puffed on it as she walked to the door, putting it out in ashtray in front before heading inside. She went to the somewhat crowded bar and sat down on a stool. It had been years since she went to a bar as a single woman.
After a couple glasses of white wine and couple cigarettes, Gina was starting to let go some of her nerves. Nobody had spoken to her yet, although she made no attempt to interact with anyone else initially. After a third glass of wine, Gina went back outside to smoke.
Shortly after lighting up, a young man who appeared to be in his early 30s came outside for a cigarette of his own. He immediately made small talk with Gina and since they were the only two people outside, she was forced to interact. The man introduced himself as Brian and the two began to hit it off.
After their cigarettes, they went back into the bar, where Brian bought Gina another glass of wine and the two continued to talk the rest of the night, stopping only for a bathroom break or to smoke. Brian couldn’t believe that Gina was actually 50 years old and she couldn’t believe he thought she was 35.
Near closing time, Gina kept checking her watch, which caught Brian’s attention.
“Are you in hurry for something?” He asked.
“No, it’s just getting pretty late,” Gina responded. “I’m not quite used to staying out so long.”
“Well, the night doesn’t have to end,” Brian told her. “You could come to my house.”
Gina was feeling a bit tipsy, but she didn’t want to go to this man’s house. Instead she offered for him to come to hers, which was accepted. When they reached her house, Gina invited him inside and sat down on the couch. It didn’t take long for the two to begin kissing passionately, which inevitably led to taking the night to the bedroom.
The next morning, Gina awoke with a headache and Brian laying in bed next to her. She couldn’t believe she had brought a stranger home last night. It was the first time in 30 years that she had slept with someone other than her soon-to-be ex-husband.
Gina rolled over and grabbed her cigarettes off her nightstand and lit one up, helping calm the nerves. The scent naturally woke Brian from his slumber.
“Hey there,” Brian smiled to her with a sleepy face.
“Hey,” Gina responded.
“Last night was amazing, wasn’t it?” Brian asked excitedly.
“Yes, it was something,” Gina said as she pulled on her cigarette.
“So, do you have anything to do today?” Brian asked. “Do you want to get breakfast?”
“I have a pretty busy day,” Gina said as she got out of bed and got dressed, cigarette dangling from her mouth.
“OK, well how about I call you?” Brian asked hopefully. “We can go out again this week.”
Gina was beginning to feel uncomfortable. She didn’t want to see him again. It was good for her to get back out there and have some fun, but Gina wasn’t ready for anything right away.
“Look, I’m not even divorced yet,” Gina told him. “Last night was fun, but I’m not sure I want to take this any further than it’s gone. I mean, I have slept with anyone outside my marriage in more than 30 years.”
Brian was clearly disappointed and Gina could see it. He didn’t make a fuss and she appreciated that. He got dressed and left. Gina enjoyed her night, but perhaps she got a bit ahead of herself.
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When Gina woke up the day of her flight to New Jersey, she still hadn’t figured out a way to tell Nikki she had begun smoking. She was going for an unscheduled amount of time and her intake had grown to the point that it would be nearly impossible to hide it. On the other hand, Nikki might be upset considering the grief Gina had given her during the past four years.
Gina decided to get to the airport a bit early. For her flight, she wore a tight white shirt, tucked into a pair of dark blue bootcut jeans, tied together with a thick brown leather belt with rhinestones and a western buckle and a pair of brown Ariat cowboy boots. Gina also had on a navy blue cotton blazer. She had three cigarettes during the hour drive, and then two more before going through security. After checking her bags outside, Gina walked over to the smoking area.
She lit up her first cigarette and contemplated how she might divulge her new secret to her daughter. Gina stood there, cigarette burning in her left hand and her right resting on the belt on her hips. She had to admit, it was a bit embarrassing that she was nervous about revealing something to her daughter. It was almost as if Gina was the child in the situation.
After smoking her two cigarettes, Gina headed inside to catch her flight. It wasn’t a long flight to Newark, but she made sure to tell Nikki to get there about 15 minutes later than needed so she would have time to smoke after the flight. Once the plane landed, Gina hustled through the airport to baggage claim and outside, quite like Nikki had done on their trip to Myrtle Beach a few years back.
By the time she reached the doors, Gina already had removed her cigarettes from the brown leather designer purse in the crook of her arm and lit up. She sucked down the Marlboro Light 100, not knowing when she might get another and doused herself in perfume before grabbing her bags.
Gina collected her bags and stood outside waiting for Nikki for about five minutes. Just as she checked her watch, Gina could see Nikki’s Mercedes pulling up to the curb. When Nikki got out of her car she was wearing a black long sleeve shirt and a pair of black leggings with her knee-high black leather boots with a stiletto heel overtop, along with her black leather blazer and a black bandana in her hair that acted as a headband. Gina noticed Nikki still had on her gold necklaces and bracelets, along with her gold Rolex. She had to admit, her daughter still looked fancy, even when she was dressing casually.
When Nikki moved around the other side of the car to help her mother with her bags, the two hugged excitedly and were on their way back to the younger woman’s house. They had barely left the airport when Nikki had a cigarette in her mouth, ready to be lit. During the hour drive to Princeton, Nikki smoked incessantly, causing Gina to have a massive craving.
When they got back to the house, they went inside and Nikki offered her mother a bottle of wine. The two caught up for a couple hours, Nikki still smoking at her regular pace. Finally, it got to be too much for Gina. She hadn’t had a cigarette in three hours and only one in the last five, she could not wait any longer.
The two women were sitting at the counter when Nikki lit yet another cigarette. Gina hadn’t figured out a way to approach the subject casually and her craving was unbearable at this point. While Nikki was in the midst of a story, Gina reached for her brown leather purse in front of her and pulled out an all-white cigarette.
“Honey, I’m sorry to cut you off, but can you give me a light?” Gina asked. “I haven’t had a smoke in three hours and I can’t take it anymore.”
Nikki nearly choked on her drag and began coughing up smoke at the shock of her mother placing a cigarette between her lips and lighting it.
“What the hell?!” Nikki exclaimed. “When did you start smoking?!”
“About a month ago,” Gina said through an exhale that felt as good as an orgasm in the moment. “Stefania left her pack of cigarettes at the house when you left and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Now I know.”
“You give me so much shit for so long -- even when I came to visit last month,” Nikki said, half annoyed and half surprised.
“I know, honey,” Gina soothed with smoke wisps of smoke from her mouth as she spoke. “I wasn’t very fair to you, but now I see why you love it so much.”
“How much are you smoking?” Nikki asked.
“About a pack a day,” Gina responded matter-of-factly.
“Mother!” Nikki shouted.
Gina simply grinned sheepishly. Nikki couldn’t stay mad though and she began to laugh as she watched her once anti-smoking mother puff away at her kitchen counter.
“I told you we weren’t that different,” Nikki said with a smile.
“No, I guess you were right,” She said in agreement.
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It took Nikki a little bit to Gina’s new habit, while it also took Gina some time to be comfortable smoking in front of her daughter. But, by the time the next day rolled around, the awkwardness was gone completely.
The two women talked constantly about how much better Gina was beginning to feel and Nikki could sense the confidence returning to her mother. Although, Gina did not tell her about the one night stand she had before leaving.
Gina was thrilled to have repaired her relationship with Nikki. There was a hole in her life for the past two years and she was able to fill it at just the right time. To celebrate her reborn confidence, Nikki told Gina they would go to her club to celebrate with the other girls. Gina knew Nikki’s friends partied pretty hard and they were all at least 30 years younger. She wasn’t really the partying type, so that made Gina a bit worried.
In the early evening they went to their separate rooms to get ready for a night of dinner and drinks with Al, Greta and Erica. Nikki chose a red shirt that went down just below her navel, skin-tight leather leggings with a thick black leather belt with rhinestones and a western buckle fit loosely around her hips since there were no loops, along with a pair of six-inch stiletto heels with straps around the toes and ankles.
Nikki entered her mother’s room as she put on her watch and found Gina simply wearing jeans and her cowboy boots. Gina looked attractive, but not quite right for the night they were about to have.
“Oh, Mother, no,” Nikki laughed. “You can’t go like that tonight.”
Nikki pulled Gina into her bedroom by the hand and then surveyed the closet for something to give her. Since they were roughly the same size -- Nikki was a bit more physically toned -- it wouldn’t be too difficult to find something that fit. Finally, she chose a tight dark blue dress with spaghetti straps that would fall to the middle of her thighs. Then she gave Gina a pair of her knee-high black leather boots with a stiletto heel.
“Nicole, I don’t think I can wear this,” Gina said with a mortified look on her face. “I’m 50 years old.”
“Relax, Mom,” Nikki told her as she pulled a freshly lit cigarette from her lips. “You’re fucking hot. You can pull it off. You’ve got to give the boots back though.”
Clearly still not sold, Gina went back to her room and tried on the outfit from her daughter’s closet. When she was all finished, Gina looked at herself in the mirror and liked what she saw. She indeed looked 15 years younger. She walked back across the hall to find Nikki in her bathroom straightening her hair with a half-finished cigarette dangling from her lips.
“I told you,” Nikki said with her cigarette bouncing between her lips when she saw Gina in the mirror. “You look hot!”
Once Nikki was finished with her hair, the two women went downstairs and dumped all of their belongings into their purses. Gina grabbed her black leather coat, buttoned it up and tied the belt before handing Nikki her black leather car coat. Then they headed for the limo parked in front of the house and headed to the club.
All three of Nikki’s associates were immediately complimentary of Gina when she unbuttoned her coat to reveal her figure. They were also shocked when she lit a cigarette moments later, considering they had heard all of Nikki’s horror stories about her judgement.
Dinner went smoothly and then drinks began to flow throughout the night. Associates of Nikki’s would float in and out of the room above the bar all night and Gina was having an incredible time. She was impressed by the maturity out of all four young women and it was a bit flattering to see the respect all of these men and women gave her 19-year-old daughter, regardless of why they did so.
As all five women began to get a bit tipsy, Al began to cut lines of cocaine on Nikki’s desk. She brought the dish over to Nikki first, as always, and while sitting next to Gina on the couch, she took a snort. Then she passed the dish to her mother, clearly uneasy with it.
“Oh no, I can’t do that,” Gina said.
“Come on, Mom,” Nikki prodded. “One toot isn’t going to hurt you. Your rep is shit now anyway.”
“Go for it, Gina,” Al said. “You’ll like it.”
Gina decided to give it a chance, taking a rolled up $20 bill from Al and sucking the white powder into her nose. It sent an interesting rush throughout her entire body.
“Wow!” Gina exclaimed. “Not so bad. I don’t think I’ll be making a habit of this though.”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” Nikki laughed. “We aren’t trying to become addicts. This is just to celebrate.”
Gina had transformed herself into almost a whole new person in the matter of a month. Maybe it was because of how deeply depressed she had been or maybe it was due to a mid-life crisis after her separation. Whatever it was, she was happy with the results.
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